Cynical thought association during a commercial break on what feels like another Monday night

– Get a dog. You’re single. Buy this food, or it will get fat. So will you. Then you’ll never find a husband.

– You are fat. Buy into our new fad. You are not worthy.

– If you owned this car, you would find yourself basking in the wonder of the wilderness with extremely attractive and well styled friends. You will be socially accepted.

– INSECTS! Single mothers, buy this bug spray. Rebellion serves as further proof that you are failing your children. You need to find a man.

– Buy this car, and your IQ will increase. Along with your ego. If you buy any other car, you are stupid.

– I can’t write about that vampire film.

– Here’s an ad for the television show about to resume. Now we’re just showing off.

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